last summer msn moods

Pushing myself and my heart into insensitivity I am fading away and so is my humanity

*time sometimes makes no forgiveness**what's the use of trying, all you get is pain**i have my name day*

*do you belive in miracles?i am naive and i am waiting that one day one will come*the only thing coming is sadness*

"i know he love me...he took a halucinogenic cactus while he was thinking about me".... "yeah he took 2 for me"

the vice-president of the club of loosers : )

*i think i should start to pack, otherwise i am not gonna manage*

*afraid of loosing in any way*

the standard: *ALONE* 'cause in a way we are always alone...even with someone, still alone

not caring is the best way not to get hurt

some people are never ending story, i am glad to introduce myself "the quickly ending story"

*fighting with the evil enemy=EE*

all the people are waiting to be found by someone, but we usualy forget to find ourselves
Be careful with what you wish. You may get it.

song and picture = my mood

Can’t find the answers

I’ve been crawling on my knees

Looking for anything

To keep me from drowning

Promises have been turned to lies

Can’t even be honest inside

I'm running backwards

Watching my life wave me goodbye

Running blind

I’m running blind

Somebody help me see

I’m running blind

Searching for nothing

Wondering if I’ll change

I’m trying everything

But everything still stays the same

I thought if I showed you I could fly

Wouldn’t need anyone by my side

I'm running backwards

With broken wings

I know I’ll die

Running blind I’m running blind

Somebody help me see

I’m running blind Running blind Running blind Running blind

I can’t find the answers

I’ve been crawling on my knees

Looking for anything

To keep me from drowning

I’m running blind Running blind Running blind

Running blind Running blind Running blind

Running blind Running blind Running blind

PF 2007

And one quotation for a New year:

Often people tend to live their lives backwards. They try to HAVE more things or more money in order to DO moreof what they want, so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to, in order to have what you want.

Well i feel this is like an old cemetary....nothing is happening on this blog,...but it is not true for my life....ok i will try to get better...

a lot of stuff happend in the half year...

another half a year in Duino, busy school life, applying to university, being accepted to the university, christmas and soon New year.... : )

everything is passing by quite quickly don't you think so?

the fairytale continues

"Mum....???" cried the voice in a close squared white room. Room with one bed, one chair, the girl and one window, window with grate .

"Mum!!!!!!!!" she shouted and silence was her answer.

Her mind was in total mess, she needed something to catch it, the pictures were coming to her in the most insane dance, the pink elephant walking in the middle of street, the dwarf with red hat and fire behind its ear, the shadows with faces of dead people...one picture after another, first one more confusing then the second and then the third, forth fifth one. She just wanted to stop it, but she was changing with those pictures for while she was the house feeling all the people inside. Second later she become a fly in the spiders net. the world were changing around her, sometimes she felt the order, the sense, she was the ruler of the world, changing everthing just by movements of her thumb.

Outside was dark night, wind was playing with the old dry leaves, drops of the rain were slowly falling down, no moon, no light, the rain drops started to fall down, bringing the morning without sun. Then another night without moon and another empty morning.

Inside the house with a lot of squared rooms the girl was still lying in the bed without any movement with eyes open, tears were slowly finding their own way through the forest of hers face, climbing down and up to the hills and she did not move to take them off.

Just from her lips went of the words: "I really like the bubbles" ...

sometimes

sometimes i have the feeling that we are totally blind, we cannot stop rushing somewhere and stay peacefully calmly watching the moment, which will passed away in few seconds and which was in a way special...

maybe just the light is weird, the rain is beautifully falling down from the roof the light is behind it and you can see every single drop dancing in a beautiful chain and then you just want to run out, and dance with the drops, fly and fall down and feel free....

but who really does this, who is gonna really go out to the rain?and when someone do, why the others just ask questions like "do you have enough clothes with you?"

why they cannot feel the poetry of the moment and enjoy it fully??? just go and do something...

SOMETHING...

when all of our cells seems to vibrate by insanity of non-sense acting for a moment

but then always some the end,

the emptiness, which actually never left, this small creature is still with you...

so you are always alone, alone with yourself...

talking to the people...

but alone

laughing with someone

but alone...

the creature is sometimes sleeping, then you feel the connections, they you feel fine, as a part of the society, having friends, having understanding for others....

you know, some time ago i found some citation ... "I am looking into eyes of others in order to see myself" ...and it bring me though that we define ourselves through the others, what they think, what our parents tought us, what they did, and all the people around...

we define ourselves against them...we compare all the time, being me is sometimes loosing the meaning when I am alone...

I cannot say what exactly I am...

there are things which i do, i like them...but i dont remember anymore why...

i love bublemakes...but since when?

and why?

i love this and that....but..

i usually say typical comment...i have mine sentences you have yours...

but why?

is there any sense in that or it is just completely random bunch of stuff which all of us have as a habits? it is probably just

RIN

RANDOM INSANE NON-SENSE

sometimes i feel like words does not have any sense, when i am saying bread i could say butter insted and it would be the same..

sometimes i feel like just trying to fullfilling the emptiness with anything what is around

sometimes i feel like talking just because I am afraid of being quiet, because while i speak the creature of loneliness is quiet so I fill my life with millions words, thousands sentences and hundreds of stories, but sometimes I have to stop myself in the middle of the joke and ask why I am telling this to the creatures around? this jumping into the non-sense discussions is like jumping into the swimming pool without any water, you might like the flight but then the point of reaching the emptiness of the pool comes and you meet the ground in the form of question.

WHY?

fairy tale number 1.

“Hey mum, tell me something?”
“What you want???Some fairytale?”
“No, I know all of them. I want you to make a story for me!”
“Mine lovely spoiled child” said with smile inside, “I will tell you a story, but promise to be quiet!”
“I promise, I promise”...

So...

There was a girl,...

“How old was she?”
“Didn't you promise to be quiet?”
“Well I did but, somehow I simply forget. Sorry mum.”

...and she was quite young, her favourite thing to do was break the glass. Do you know the big boxes for recycling? She loved to come to them and just through the glass inside, then she wait for a moment listening the sound of the glass meeting the iron box. She took another bottle and repeat the whole process again.

“But why she like it?”

“Well, no one knows, just try it, maybe you will find that out. People like weird things. Some of us like making bubbles.”

“Mum don't make fun of me, you know how much I like the bubble makers and bubbles!”

“But why?”

“Well, just try it and you will see. How continue the story?”

One day the girl become depressed. Actually she was not depressed, she was just bit sad, but most of the people get to use to say that they are depressed. No, sad is now not enough, sometimes I wonder which expression will come next.

“Mum, make it shorter, I am sleepy...it needs something interesting, not just the girl..”

“I know, but I am tired... but we will continue about the girl next time OK?”

“OK good night mum”

“Sleep tight dear”